Holy crap, I just got married! Remember folks, if you lose sight of the "I" in married it becomes marred, so put your needs first. Actually, you should probably just make her breakfast in bed. They really seem to like that.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Friday, November 9, 2012
Disagree to Agree
You can pretty much accuse anyone of being a contrarian because if they disagree, they're just proving your point.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Hey, you can't park that animal over there!
Today I learned that Webster's dad punched a horse.
R.I.P. Alex Karras
R.I.P. Alex Karras
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Comedy Break: Bizarro World word game
Let's take a break from all the theoretical comedy and play bizarro world, the nation's fastest growing word game (it's not).
Example: Normally you get one before you start talking with someone far away; in bizarro world it's what happens when a child drops his ice cream.
A: Phone Call and Cone Fall
Now you! We'll say they start easy get harder as you go.
1. Normally it's living room furniture that may contain reading material. In Bizarro World, it's a wire made out of candy.
2. Normally he's a video game character. In Bizarro World it's what you use to cook up your Apple computer.
3. Normally it's something you'd see at WrestleMania. In Bizarro World it's when you capture a wizard.
4. Normally it's something a lounge lizard might wear. In Bizarro World it's a stringed instrument that causes people to swallow their tongues.
5. Normally it's a good way to break someone's nose. In Bizarro World it's a resting place with mud walls and a thatch roof.
6. Normally he's a superhero. In Bizarro World it's how much area your pope hat covers.
7. Normally he's the title character in a cult classic. In Bizarro World he's the guy making all the noise at the rink.
8. Normally this describes someone with a temper. In Bizarro World it's what you wear when you walk around an army base.
9. Normally it's where you decide to dig. In Bizarro World it's how much taller your shoes make you.
10. Normally it's part of your car. In Bizarro World it's the kind of person who doesn't get much sun.
Bonus question!
Normally it's when you do something like post your 50th blog entry. In Bizarro World it's what happens when you see what kids are wearing these days. (Strrrrrrrrretch).
Thanks for playing!
Example: Normally you get one before you start talking with someone far away; in bizarro world it's what happens when a child drops his ice cream.
A: Phone Call and Cone Fall
Now you! We'll say they start easy get harder as you go.
1. Normally it's living room furniture that may contain reading material. In Bizarro World, it's a wire made out of candy.
2. Normally he's a video game character. In Bizarro World it's what you use to cook up your Apple computer.
3. Normally it's something you'd see at WrestleMania. In Bizarro World it's when you capture a wizard.
4. Normally it's something a lounge lizard might wear. In Bizarro World it's a stringed instrument that causes people to swallow their tongues.
5. Normally it's a good way to break someone's nose. In Bizarro World it's a resting place with mud walls and a thatch roof.
6. Normally he's a superhero. In Bizarro World it's how much area your pope hat covers.
7. Normally he's the title character in a cult classic. In Bizarro World he's the guy making all the noise at the rink.
8. Normally this describes someone with a temper. In Bizarro World it's what you wear when you walk around an army base.
9. Normally it's where you decide to dig. In Bizarro World it's how much taller your shoes make you.
10. Normally it's part of your car. In Bizarro World it's the kind of person who doesn't get much sun.
Bonus question!
Normally it's when you do something like post your 50th blog entry. In Bizarro World it's what happens when you see what kids are wearing these days. (Strrrrrrrrretch).
Thanks for playing!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Ways to sound witty in the right situation: Vol. 4
The next time you're watching a football game with your friends and one of the teams kicks a field goal to send the game into overtime, whip out this little ditty, sung to the tune of Mötley Crüe's Dr. Feelgood:
He's the one they call Dr. Field Goal
He's gunna kick it through the uprights
He's the one they call Dr. Field Goal
He's gunna send it to overtime
If that doesn't get a laugh or two, stop hanging out with humorless jerks.
He's the one they call Dr. Field Goal
He's gunna kick it through the uprights
He's the one they call Dr. Field Goal
He's gunna send it to overtime
If that doesn't get a laugh or two, stop hanging out with humorless jerks.
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